i am mesmerized by the buzz of lawnmowers and the shadow play of the trees out the kitchen window. a chipmunk has been busy in the garage gutters and then the grass. the squirrels don't seem to notice, nor the birds. a spiderweb clings precariously between clotheslines in the breeze. a single fly wants to get out on the other side of the screen.
yesterday, the 4th, about 75 relatives gathered up near sandusky. i was unable to get there. still, it was gratifying to know it was happening, just as it has been nurturing to simply be in ohio again. in cleveland. in lakewood. it will happen again in two years. i look forward to seeing the photos.
i spent the 4th baking bread, missing my wife, and watching the u.s. presidents on the history channel. i am almost completely off my meds now; i still take 75 mg of levothyroxie, and am down to 50 mg of sertraline (from 200 mg) and completely off the bupropion, montelukast sodium, atomoxetine, and methylphenidate.
i'm not happy about it, mind you; it is not without consequence, but i'll survive. i see this as a detox and regroup maneuver. i know i was under too much stress for too long, and taking medication, even when necessary, becomes a slippery slope. so when i saw the handwriting on the wall i started cutting my doses in half, and then in half again, until the scripts finally ran out.
so, yeah, i'm moody, and more lathargic that usual. my sleep cycle is all fucked up. but this too shall pass. i'll get a job, and a new doctor, and we''ll start again.
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